Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
