Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
