I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
