how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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