Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
