Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
