ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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