I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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