Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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