can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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