Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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