So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
