I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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