u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
