Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
