my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
