morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
