In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
