I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
