i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
