I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
