she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
