I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
