I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
