well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
