if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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