I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
