This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
