My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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