Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
