I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you will always have a special place in my vag
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
