I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
