i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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