it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
