In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
