i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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