I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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