wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
