Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
