lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
