dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
