Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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