i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
