Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
