His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
