yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
