But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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