your parents love me but you hate me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
