My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
