Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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