Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
