So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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