I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
