One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
