i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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