grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
